Crabby for sure. Possibly other things as well.

So I had a pretty great weekend with sleep and dancing and dinner with friends and I even saw my niece and nephew for a bit.

But today I am crabby and irritated and a slug. I have two theories about it and I don't like either one.

One, I am moving from bruised/battered/healing to the D word. No, no, no, I don't want to need drugs. I have experience with anti-Ds and although most of it was good, I am newly divorced and having fun and I do not want to deal with the side effects, thanks.

Two, the ten pounds I've gained is bothering me and making me cranky. I'm very short and small-boned and ten pounds is a full size difference in clothing and the difference between "thin" and "dumpy" in the mirror.

I know full well that most people in my life - my kids, my friends, my colleagues - don't even notice. I know full well that even the people who notice - my sister, my guy - don't give a shit. I know that.

But it bothers me and it bothers me that it bothers me.

I'll tell you an ugly secret - when I feel thin, I love walking around the world, armed in nice clothes and a thin body. I feel like I have a right to be there. I feel beyond criticism. With ten extra pounds? I feel old and puffy and useless and embarrassed. I do that to myself, no one says anything.

I have friends who have gained weight or have been heavy ever since I've known them, and I don't think any less of them. I'd be so sad if they felt less than because of their weight, so WTF?

I'll tell you what's discouraging: having kids in college and finding out that you yourself are still dealing with piles of shit acquired back in middle school.